These U2 lyrics pop into my head way too often:

Jesus, Jesus help me
I’m alone in this world
and a fucked-up world it is, too.

Because my mother once game me a print-out of Bono’s speech to the National Council of Bishops, I figure that the bishops don’t disapprove of these lyrics, so neither should you.

Anyway, these words popped into my head once again as I read an incredible college essay by one of my favorite former students – yes, teachers have favorites, but not in some easy to explain way. In her essay she writes about the serious illness of a very close family member. She’s carrying what to me is an unimaginable burden for a 17 year-old, and she writes about it with a grace and insight that astonishes me.

What kills me about being a teacher is how little we actually know about kids, and how deeply affecting it is to learn about them. As an adult, I know that suffering is inevitable (see noble truth #1), and that it has value. The chain that I follow is this:

1. My father died, so we didn’t move to Florida as planned
2. My closest friends are friends from high school, which was in White Plains and not in Florida, which means that my friends would not be my friends if I had lived in Florida
3. I met my wife in White Plains, where I would not have been had I moved to Florida
4. My wife and I had our children, who we would not have had had I not met my wife, which I would not have done had I moved to Florida

Therefore, ergo and thusly, everything happens for a reason. And yet, that song keeps popping into my head.

Rationally, I understand suffering. If it doesn’t kill me, it makes me stronger. I’m a better person for having suffered, a better parent, a better teacher. But I still can’t bear to watch young people suffering, even when they’re strong enough to handle it, even when you know that they have support, that they’ll be able to make sense of what happens to them. It’s a lot easier to deal with your own problems than it is to watch the people you care about deal with theirs.

A fucked-up world it is too. Sometimes.