McAteer's Blog

Friday, August 20, 2010


Friday, August 20, 2010
This is it, Lebron, the last entry of the vacation journal, as we are packed up and ready to hit the road tomorrow around 7am. We winged it today. Let me tell you all about it.

First of all, I got lost on my run, which turned my usual four miles into six (once school starts, this turns into about four miles a week). Let me tell you, I felt like maybe if I stopped to cry someone would lend me a cell phone so I could call for a pick-up. Sometimes a little dignity just isn’t worth it. But the run took me near the pier, which provided the inspiration for the rest of the day.

Emma and Kate were a little vacationed out. They were pretty happy watching Phineas and Ferb over and over and over again. Pushed to move their asses off the couch, Kate decided to head over to the pool to for a little pool Frisbee, and Emma headed to the computer to look at a number of things later approved by her father. After these activities and a little lunch, they were easily persuaded to head down to the Chatham Fish Pier to watch the fishing boats empty themselves (actually, the guys who work on the boats empty them).

Well, what a happy surprise we found there. Seals, baby, lots and lots of seals. We watched and photographed them as they played around the fishing boats, watched as they unloaded cod and skate and shark down the chute for shipment all over. And then, we decided to watch them even more closely, shelling out a few shekels for a Chatham Harbor seal-watching boat. Out on the sandbar, they were piled on one another by the score. And on another sandbar. And away from the pier, they were playing around all over the place. Except for Emma getting a little seasick, the voyage, all seventy five minutes of it, was very, very enjoyable. If it weren’t for the fact that seals are so common in aquariums, Kate might have thought it was even more fun than whale watching.

Upon our return, we all stopped to pick out some jewelry for various mothers (at least this way I know I didn’t pick out the wrong anniversary present), Kathy and Emma went to Marion’s Pie Shop to pick up an Apple Crumble and a cherry pie (another worthwhile journey), Kate and I headed for the Black Dog to exchange the mismarked sweatshirt the girls had bought for me earlier in the week (the other option was that I grow my way into an extra large).

Then dinner at Marley’s right down the road, some packing, and here we are. The vacation was nice, Lebron, but if you come to Chatham, you’re better off doing it for a date weekend unless you’re a boater or a fisherman. I don’t think we’ll be back next year, which is not at all a knock on the Cape. Time to pack up the computer. Next time we chat, I’ll be back in the WP. Later.

Thursday, August 19, 2010


Thursday, August 19
We are almost ready to go to Nauset beach, except mommy is still getting ready, and daddy doesn’t have his bathing suit on yet. I mean how long does it take to get ready? We are going to a beach for crying out loud, it’s a beach.

All I want to do right now is get to the beach and body surfing.
Body surfing is when instead of using a boogie board you use your body to ride the waves

Ha, the joke’s on you, Emma: Daddy was ready the whole time, with his bathing suit on under those baggy shorts. How you like me now, kid?

Finally came the long-awaited beach trip, because it turns out that my kids are beach kids; they don’t want these nice little shops, or these quaint restaurants. They want waves, and truth be told, they ain’t getting them here. On the one hand, the waves were good for Kate, because they weren’t relentless like they are down in New Jersey, where you can’t turn your back on the ocean for more than three seconds.

But to find a good wave to ride in on a day like today – 78 degrees, beautiful sunshine, no wind to speak of – you had to wait. And after only a few rides in the 2 degree water (that’s not a typo; it was frickin’ freezing), the lifeguards cleared the beach because of the unexpected presence of elephant seals along the shoreline. I surmise from various reports that the presence of seals frequently leads to the presence of sharks, and the beaches in Chatham have been closed a few times because a bunch of great whites have been hanging around. Try explaining that to kids who really really really want to go in the water, but haven’t seen Jaws. (Turns out it was a shark.)

Ok, Lebron, it was two degrees Celsius. You have thirty seconds to use your St. Vincent/St. Mary’s education to convert that into Fahrenheit.

All in all, though, a beach day is a beach day, and it was crowded, sandy, and beautiful – a no hassle day beyond the closing of the water for about ninety minutes. Mitigating the closing is the fact that the kids were treated to the sight of seals in their natural habitat. I hope tomorrow we’ll be able to go to South Beach so we can see the hundreds of seals reputed to hang out there.

We’re off to find dinner now. Chatham has a bunch of booked restaurants in it, so we’re going to try the Brewster Fish House and see what’s what. I’ll let you know if it works out. Or Emma will.

Well, Brewster Fish House didn’t work out. Note to selves: if you go to Cape Cod again, make reservations for Thursday night’s dinner on Wednesday. You see, we had tried The Impudent Oyster. We tried a couple of other Chatham restaurants. No dice. So we head to Brewster, and the Fish House doesn’t take reservations. When we saw about fifteen people in the parking lot all sipping wine or martinis, and one little group at a table playing cards, we knew we had a wait in front of us. When we saw that they seat only about thirty inside, we knew it was a long one. Given the news that we’d have to wait ninety minutes, we skeedaddled.

Two more restaurants. Two more don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. Kathy checks her Blackberry, finds a place called JTs or TJs or AJs. We call and ask if there is a wait. The woman laughs. Of course not. So we walk in, and find that it is another restaurant worthy of the name Slow Death.

Here’s the good part, though. Right next door is a restaurant called Agro Dolce. Oh, the lobster bisque! (After a spoonful or two of mine, Kate wanted her own.) Oh, the caesar salad! (Emma had both the soup and the salad, on top of the bread and pasta entree.) And a very nice lobster ravioli, too. It was a real find – great food, great service, and a nice little patio on which to enjoy everything. So we got lucky.

Let’s hope our luck continues tomorrow. Auf wiedersehn.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Today we took a whale watching boat out of Barnstable Harbor. The boat left at 9 in the morning and went through P-town and we saw the pilgrim monument which we climbed the day before. As we were leaving the harbor the boat started going really fast. The wind started blowing really hard. Everybody had to put on their jackets and coats. It took about an hour to get to our destination, Stellwagen Banks. When we first got there we saw a whale from really far away. Daddy thought that was gonna be the way we saw whales for the rest of the trip.

But it wasn’t. They came up right to the boat, travelling in pairs, in trios, quintets and eventually a group of seven passed right under the boat. They are so relaxed in their environment, their movements so easy. Commercials had made me think that the whale tail into the water was a splashy, forceful act, but it’s just a nice easy movement that is being repeated again and again and again as you read this, Lebron. I’m telling you, if you want to see majesty in size, grace in a large animal, and the occasional spectacular breaching and splash, go on a whale watching cruise.

According to our naturalist, Katie, we were treated to a bonus sighting of common dolphins, who decided to play in our wake as we headed back to Barnstable. The captain was willing to play the game, so he ran the high speed boat for a while to allow the dolphins to jump into and out of our waves, and then he stopped so we could all watch them change direction and jump across the waves. This may have been my own Katie’s favorite part of the trip.

One piece of advice I would give you is to watch without feeling the need to record your sightings on camera or video. You do this kind of thing so you can relive the enjoyment of a great moment, but when you’re watching the majestic beauty of nature through a camera screen, you’re not enjoying it in the first place. Go unfettered by technology the first time you go, and take your pictures for posterity after you’ve had that first pure experience.

Upon our return, Kate and I headed out for the pool, where I remembered the flips she used to do when she wanted me to throw her from a place where my shoulders are under water. You see, she has a friend, Julia, whose father, my friend Jim, is about 6’2. When we would be standing in the five foot section of the pool, Julia would have a whale of a time while her father flung her about, but poor Katie was surface-bound because of her father’s biology. Well, Daddy had to improvise, so what he did was put two hands in front of his chest under Katie’s butt and heave. The first time, she went flying. The second time, she did a flip. It was hysterical. Here’s was this little blonde head doing a flip when she was getting thrown. So today we reenacted this action comedy after we got bored playing surfboard (another game where the children literally walk all over their father, except this time he’s submerged in four feet of water).

Last notable sojourn of the day/evening: on the downstairs TV, the girls are watching iCarly; upstairs, Mom is working her FitTV thing. So I decide to head over to the restaurant next door to see if there’s a bar and a baseball game there. We had been joking about this place, Pate’s, because it seemed like every car had to include at least one septuagenarian if it was to be allowed a space in the parking lot. While some restaurants forbid heelies, this restaurant requires at least one member of each party to have a walker. OK, that’s hyperbole. Anyway, I had a local beer, Cape Cod Red, watched a little bit of the Sawx game, accustomed my nose to the smell, and decided that we didn’t have to go to dinner there on our vacation just because our house happens to be next door.

So future dining spots will be a mystery, a reason for you to keep reading this blog, Lebron, as if you needed another reason. I know I’ve said Nauset Beach before, and weather.com has been talking to me as if she’s a cheating girlfriend, and all I want to do is believe her reports of partly cloudy or mostly sunny, but I’m starting to get suspicious. All I can say is that I want the waves as much as any other elementary school-age girl in my family wants them. So maybe Nauset Beach. I’ll let you know. Arrividerci.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


Monday, August 16

Today it is really cloudy but it is supposed to get nice after lunch. So if it does get sunny then we will go to the beach.

Kate just went off outside without telling mommy where she was going. Mommy was worried sick. Turned out she was in mommy’s car the whole time. But the car was in the garage with the car doors closed and the garage doors were closed. Then I found her.

Well, Lebron, you’ve probably figured out that we’re messing with you a little bit here. The challenge is to figure out which parts of the Journal are written by Emma and which are written by me.

Today was atypical for this summer, at least as far as Westchester County weather is concerned. It was around 74 and cloudy, always threatening rain, but we finally decided to get off our asses and go to the beach, sky be damned.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. After the early morning eating exercising routine, the girls and I headed into town so they could get some gifts for their friends,(I got salt water taffy for Morgan) and so we could get a Swiffer to clean the floors allegedly cleaned by the cleaning service for our rental. The errand allowed us a nice little walk through the busy sidewalks of downtown Chatham, and as we drove home, we saw that the traffic was backed up for about a mile on route 28.

After lunch, once we were resolved to beach it, we headed for Hardings Beach. Good thing we didn’t waste this beach on a nice day. While it was gray and windy and the surf wasn’t body surfable, we were able to watch a seagull catch and eat a crab, which is always a spectator sport. None of us made it into the water, but that will all change tomorrow at Nauset Beach.

Speaking of Orleans, that’s where we headed to pick up a Blackberry charger (come on, you didn’t think anybody is ever really on vacation, did you?) and a wireless mouse so the kids can play games on daddy’s sacred laptop. Of course, we had to stop at the Red Balloon Toy Shop so Kate could pick up some nifty night vision spy goggles. Then, it was off to Joe’s at the Barley Neck Inn for dinner, which Kate enjoyed with her new goggles firmly affixed to her blonde head. After dinner, the girls were so enamored of the bandana napkins that they had to buy their own bandanas. Emma selected a cute little pink bandana; Kate went for the camo.

We continued then a little farther down Beach Ave. to Nauset Beach, hoping that the waves would be what we’re looking for for tomorrow. And they are. Hopefully we’ll have a successful beach day to report for tomorrow, and a successful whale watch on Wednesday, which may be a good title for Mary Pope Osborne’s next Magic Tree House book.

Sayonara until manana.


Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Here are some important observations glossed over in the previous days’ entries: 1. Hawks don’t play well with one another; 2. People get really excited about jumping out of airplanes.

Well it is pouring now but I was just informed that it will get nicer this afternoon. So if it does than we will definitely go to nauset beach and go in the water.

I’m not sure if the weather will get nicer today because cape cod has its own weather pattern.

If you guessed that that was Emma who refuses to capitalize place names, Lebron, then you’ve won. Go buy yourself a nice low-fat latte and put it on my tab. And if you guessed that the weather didn’t really change for the better, despite the insistent and repeatedly refreshed prognostications of weather.com, then treat yourself to a scone, also on my dime.

So after a morning of waiting and hoping, some part of which was spent by the ladies of the fam down at the Black Dog doing what females of the species love so well to do, we decided to head on up to Provincetown, because you’re never too young to be exposed to P-Town. It should be noted, however, that before said trip commenced, Emma and Kate both wolfed down two hot dogs at lunch. Two! Just take the number of championships you’ve won and add two, and you’ll see how many hot dogs they each had. That’s pretty impressive.

So on we went, through Orleans, through Eastham, through Wellfleet, through Truro. Our destination: the Pilgrim Monument, because we like to climb high places when we’re on vacation. Once we do the picture transfer from Emma’s camera, you’ll see what I’m talkin bout.
After the climb, and a bit of gift shop shopping, we headed down to the pier. Kate kept insisting that I take my shirt off because all the other men had their shirts off. I tried to explain to her that I couldn’t because I have body hair, but she was undaunted. I think our favorite character was the man dressed as Lady Gaga, because while I have to confirm much of my lameness by confessing that I wouldn’t recognize Lady Gaga on the street, it’s pretty easy to pick out a dude who’s dressed like her.

We took a little bit of a detour from the pageantry to walk down the pier and then have an early dinner at the Lobster Pot. Yum, especially the chowder. I wonder how much the children noticed that I don’t think we’d ever really want them to notice, but we took them to Provincetown, so whatever questions or curiosities we have to answer, we have to answer.

Last activity of the day was a little dusk swimming in the little complex pool. It was Kate’s first foray into the water since her spill, and she was a-ok, all healthy and healed.

Tomorrow is the scheduled whale watching day. Watch it be the perfect beach day. Oh, listen to me playing the pessimist. Enjoy your latte, Lebron.

Monday, August 16, 2010

OK, sophomores. If any of you are looking for an example of what your first assignment of the year might look like in practice, check this out. It’s sad, but true.

How to Look Your Monkeyest

One of the best things about going to new places is that you get a chance to reinvent yourself, as nobody there knows who you really are. If you’re off to summer camp, you can buy a new pair of shades, grow your hair out, put on a too cool for school attitude, and everyone assumes you’re just a bad-ass. When you’re off to college, you can actually act like you care about learning, instead of sending out that I-don’t-care-about-nothin’ vibe that passes for status in high school.

And if you’re a slightly graying guy who may or may not be going through a midlife crisis, vacation gives you a great opportunity to change your appearance, and by extension, your identity. Heck, you might end up a few ooh-ooh aah-aahs away from leaving even your humanity behind.

But before you can bust out “Welcome to the Jungle” as your theme song, you’ll need a few supplies:

· A 40-something guy who can laugh (sort of) at himself
· A package of Just for Men black/brown hair coloring
· A washcloth
· A tube of toothpaste

Step One: Plan Your Getaway (from home, and from yourself)What better place to invent yourself than the Jersey Shore? After all, Snooki and The Situation couldn’t possibly have existed before the cameras went on. But if your new identity doesn’t involve being a guido or guidette, choose someplace other than Seaside. For the dad-type, go to Surf City on LBI. Nobody knows you there, but it’s close enough to your true home that you can’t get too lost.

Step Two: Give in to Your Wife’s Peer PressureWomen color their hair all the time, so for them, a little shift in color is no big deal. Chances are that your wife has suggested that you play games with your own graying hair. Surely you can’t do this during your normal life; people would talk. They would say mean things, like, Look how insecure that dude is. Or, Check out the guy with the shoe polish hair. Did I say mean things? I meant true things. No matter. When your wife comes home with the Just for Men, act like you really don’t want to use it. Prepare off-handed remarks for friends who might ask why you colored your hair. “Oh, my wife made me do it.” Or “I just did it as a joke, with maybe a little bit of vanity thrown in.”

Step Three: A Little Bit is Never Enough
It’s the morning of your trip, the car is packed, and all you have to do now is shower and hit the road. This is the optimal time to apply the hair dye, as you won’t see anyone you know for another ten days, and by then, they’ll probably have forgotten what you actually look like.

After you open the package, read the directions carefully. When the directions say, “You may want to apply a layer of Vaseline around your hairline,” consider that to be an optional action that you just don’t have the time to perform. And when they say that you should use 0.5 ml of solution, look at that paltry amount and decide that there’s no way it can do the job.

Once you’ve eschewed (Gesundheit!) those instructions, it’s time to apply.

Step Four: There’s No Going Back Now
So you put the goop in your hair, took a shower, flung your hair around like you were in a shampoo commercial so that some of the excess dye spattered on the shower curtain, and now you’re ready to check out the new you. First, however, better get that dye off the shower curtain. But that’s easier said than done; a paper towel and some bathroom cleaner isn’t working out too easily. In literary terms, this is called foreshadowing.

Step Five: Cue the Opening Notes of Beethoven’s Fifth, Then Look in the Mirror
Admire the pure black beauty of your new hair. Notice the inch or so of staining along your forehead, down your temples, on your ears, and very likely, down the back of your neck. This is kind of funny – you look just like a Capuchin monkey. Call your kids upstairs so they can enjoy the advanced stupidity of your new appearance before you remove the offending hair dye.

You don’t want to wipe that off with a towel, so grab another paper towel. Then discover that it doesn’t just wipe off. Grab a washcloth, coat it liberally with soap, and start to wash the stain off. Discover that it doesn’t come off with soap and water. Move quickly to Step Six.

Step Six: Panic, but Try to Look Like You’re Not PanickingCall the Customer Service Hotline at the manufacturer's headquarters, which, though it makes no difference at all, is located a five-minute walk from your home. Have the following conversation:

Jack-ass Guy: Hi. I just used your product, and I’m having a problem. It has stained my head about an inch wide all around my hairline.
Just for Men: Did you use Vaseline around your hairline.
JAG: I thought that was optional.
JfM: Not really.
JAG: That could have been clearer. Anyway, I’ve tried soap and water, but it didn’t
work.
JfM: No problem. Do you smoke?
JAG: Smoke? No, why?
JfM: Well, old cigarette ashes are the best thing for cleaning off the
stain. Do you have a charcoal grill?
JAG: No, gas.
JfM: Well, the next thing, if you want to try it, is to use a washcloth and toothpaste.
JAG: I guess I gotta do what I gotta do. Thanks.
TIP: Never put yourself in a situation where you have to use toothpaste for any function other than brushing your teeth.

Applying the toothpaste to your skin will give you a tremendous appreciation for the strength of tooth enamel. If you would like to experience the sensation before following any of the preceding steps, rent a welding torch from Handy Rent-All, point it at your face, and ignite. To sort of experience the pain, get a disgruntled carpenter to rub Heavy Grit sandpaper over and over and over your face.

Step Seven: Remember, Nobody on Vacation Will Even Know Who You Are
After about fifteen minutes of applying the toothpaste to your epidermis, you see some progress, but you just can’t take the pain. You have some splotches of black dye streaking your face and ears, but to the quick glance, it almost looks like you have long sideburns and slightly out of control ear hair. So what if people snicker at you; you’ll never see them again. It’s time to get going, or you’ll be stuck on the Garden State for the next five hours.

Be thankful that your daughter didn’t have a camera and a Facebook page to immortalize you at your monkeyest, and carry with you a hard lesson about the price of vanity. Last of all, don’t worry: by Tuesday, it’ll all fade away, and the only time you’ll feel that burning sensation again is when you take your kids to the Bronx Zoo, and they insist on visiting the Monkey House.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Cape Cod Vacation Journal
Sunday, August 15, 2010

While I’m writing this on Sunday, our vacation really started on Friday, once we got over the stress of the Check Engine Light and the accompanying fireworks of Cruise, Brake and Vehicle Dynamics Control, which reared their ugly heads on Thursday afternoon on the way back from the Conference Swimming Finals. A little side note – seven year-old Katie McAteer was the first alternate for the Westwood 10 and under freestyle relay team, so she had to swim a fifty (not her customary twenty-five), including a flip turn (never before busted out in public) in front of the several hundred spectators at the meet. The team, with Katie in the second leg, finished only six seconds past their qualifying time. But I digress.

The presence of the Check Engine light was a nice blood pressure raiser for me. It turned out to be nothing – I need a new gas cap – but it forced us to head out of the house at 7:30 on Friday morning for a trip to Subaru of Stamford rather than having a nice leisurely packing morning en route to our 10:30 planned departure. All’s well that ends well, I guess.

We stayed in Plymouth on Friday, swimming at my sister’s pool, playing with cousins and cooking out. On Saturday, we had a veritable cousin fest, missing only Mallory and Hannah, as Christine and her family and Maureen and Gaby converged on Mary Katherine’s house for a day of frolicking. We boogied around 4:00, hoping to miss a lot of the Cape traffic, and we pretty much did.

I was happily surprised that our house is not located where I thought it was, off Crowell Road, but is instead right next to Pate’s restaurant and the New England Pizza House, and just across the street from a fish market and the Liquor Locker, an appellation featuring both alliteration and consonance (I know how much you like poetic sound devices, Lebron). After a delayed start and a heckuva lot of Connecticut traffic, Kathy finally found her way here at 7:15ish, and we were able to walk down to the pizza joint (New England Pizza House) for chow.

Kate and Emma and I were happy that we were able to spend the bulk of the day fun-having in Plymouth rather than doing all that getting-to-know-the-place-but-not-actually-doing-anything stage of one’s arrival in a new vacation destination.

This morning, there was a teensy tiny incident that might keep us from the beach, however, as Kate took a pretty big spill on her scooter and scraped up her right side from eye to ankle. Mommy healed her right up with a few gallons of Neosporin, but we may have to seek plans other than beaching it for today. Anyway, the clouds might be pushing us toward plan B even without accounting for a major child injury. I’m itching to do a little exploration in the car, but can’t convince any chil’ren to come with me.

That takes us up to lunch on Sunday. Look forward to more dry, factual updates as they occur. Ciao.

Now, as dinner nears, I have come to the conclusion that deveining shrimp so that you get the whole vein in one easy pull, without ravaging the shrimp or cutting your hand, is just as much a feat as getting the whole clementine peel in one peel. For dinner, we picked up some smoked salmon, swordfish, crab cakes and shrimp from the Chatham Fish and Lobster Company. This will hopefully redeem our lunch at the Kream and Kone, a fried fish place that would be more appropriately named Slow Death, a place whose signature meal – the fried fish buried under a mountain of French fries and onion rings – could be named the Not-So-Slow Death. You’ll be happy to know, Lebron, that I opted for the grilled chicken sandwich.

The girls are playing Mancala while they watch the US National Swim Championships on some channel that doesn’t come up on our regular TV listing, but is the only channel that plays on the upstairs TV.

The rest of our Sunday should find us home and chillin, something we ain’t done in a long, long time. Peace.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Gary Shteyngart's Super Sad True Love Story

Let's just get it out there right now: nobody does it like Gary Shteyngart. I finally got my copy of his new book yesterday, and I used all the free time I had today reading it. He is a juggernaut. His prose explodes. You can't explain to someone else how funny he is because his funnyness doesn't happen; it's just embedded in his choices from details to language. Then there's the fearlessness thing - the rules of propriety don't matter, but his purpose is so strong, his vision so clear, that it's okay for him to get mired in scatological and sexual language. I wonder if guys like him put strong sexual language in their novels just so nobody will teach them in schools.

Anyway, I'm 78 pages into the book, and I'm trying to figure out how to keep it from going by so quickly. I'm sure there will be passages I'll like, and maybe even copy down the way I've copied some Aleksandr Hemon passages in the past, but this one is all about the energy, and so far it has the same forward thinking and literary traditionalism as Absurdistan, but don't expect analysis, unless you find me looking at the different narrative voices as a way of figuring out how to do such things myself.

I guess I can write short posts if I type them directly into the blogger dashboard instead of writing poolside in Word. Ciao.

Thursday, August 05, 2010

Short Things Written During Warmups for the Counties

So let me get back to the County Swim Championships. They are run like such a festive event, between the Playland tickets that participants randomly win at different points during the day, dress up contests among coaches, and programs like their canned food collection. Yesterday, at a break in the action on another dripping with sweat day, Mr. McClintock, the man who runs things, fills the space by inviting anyone who wants to cool off to jump into the pool. At one point during the four or five minute break, with all these swimmers just splashing and jumping around in the Playland Pool, he remarked about how nice it was to see kids acting like kids.

From where I stand, the character of the even makes the whole thing a great experience rather than an uber-competitive championship.

But despite the character of the organizers, certain folks at events like this, and other dual meets we’ve participated in (look at me saying “we” as if I’m on the team), reinforce my belief that I was not created to be a country club kind of guy. It has dawned on me this summer that social life at country clubs reminds me a lot of high school. It’s funny the way most people feel liberated from the stratification of high school social life only to replicate it a decade or two later based on the same criteria (money) that is used for high school status.

Now I’m not saying that the dominant feature of high schools is social cliquification. But I would say that this is the most harmful thing in schools where the threat of physical violence isn’t apparent. Yes, many people in high schools and country clubs choose not to participate in clique-ish and exclusive social interaction; these people are known as cool people. But oh the cattiness among the in-crowd! The comments about the interlopers from distinctly middle class clubs in places where we should be parking cars (as far as they’re concerned), the raised eyebrows about outfits worn by the women they’ve just spoken with, the tearing down of other people’s children based on whatever accident of fate made them finish faster than little Jason, child born of in-crowd parents. I am reminded of the opinion piece that Grace Atchue wrote a couple of years ago when she lamented the divided between the rich and the super-rich in New Canaan, a piece that predated a similar New York Times piece by about a week.

I was never cool enough to be in the in-crowd, so I haven’t tasted the forbidden fruits of judgmentalism and elitism. My middle class pool, where it would be just way too embarrassing to be pretentious, fits me perfectly. After all, you probably can’t hang out on a lawn in ten-dollar beach chairs swilling PBRs with Peter Shortall at any country club.

And another thing….Plagiarism

Whenever the Times runs a piece about plagiarism this summer, it ends up number one on their Most Read or Most Emailed list. Twice this summer, the problem of plagiarism has been an article focus, and the pattern seems to be to focus on the problem of copy and paste, as well as the knowledge of what is intellectual property and what isn’t. Experts say that file-sharing culture has blurred lines, but much of file-sharing culture is intellectual-property stealing culture – downloading music illegally; downloading movies without paying for them; in other words, knowingly using “sharing” as a euphemism for “stealing” to justify an action that computer people feel is contrary to their character. Why Wikipedia even comes up in discussions of college cheating baffles me – at what point were college professors allowing students to use Encyclopedia Brittanica as a source? Do we believe that students don’t know the difference between a primary source, a secondary source, and an encyclopedia?

I think we might. Because nowhere have I read anything about improving approaches to instructing students in the research process. If colleges are taking for granted the idea that students have been trained in source selection, in research reading, in moving highlighting and marginalia into an outline or other intermediate form before the paper itself, they may want to rethink their assumptions.

Even in my school, which is pretty darn competitive in every area of scholastic endeavor, we expect kids to have a certain kind of reading skill because they can read. But this is like saying that because you know how to run, you’ll do equally well in a 1500 meter race and a 100 meter race. Just as the athlete who goes from playing on the football team one week to playing on the basketball the next needs time to recalibrate the different muscles used for the different sports, so does the reader need to recalibrate the brain to go from knowledge acquisition in the content areas and constructivist meaning-making in literature study to the kind of critical thinking that needs to be practiced by the researcher. The first two kinds of reading are single source-based and typically are based on immediate interactions between reader and text. Research reading is based on taking in information from one source, and then putting it into a place where that new knowledge can be informed by information from other texts. It is a much more complicated process.

If our job in schools is to teach, then we need to give value to the things kids are supposed to learn. This means providing clear instruction and feedback on the way kids read for research. If the reading itself is graded, there’s no point in plagiarizing, because the student has already done the work. But if you don’t give time to give feedback on this particular kind of reading, then you send the message that it isn’t important. After all, as Coach K has said, You know what you value by the time you give it. You don’t give the time to research reading instruction, then you don’t value it.

I guess a thousand words isn’t really a short post.

Wednesday, August 04, 2010


Big Day at Counties for Emma Mac

It’s Wednesday, August 4, the third day of the Westchester County Swim Championships, and the last day of Emma’s participation. What a nice event this is. Every pool, from the hoity-toitiest to the most working class in the county is represented here, and you’re able to watch kids who are have the opportunity to swim in a big event (like Emma) to kids who excel in the sport and will compete at the highest levels of high school and college swimming.

As for Emma, she qualified for five races: the individual breastroke, freestyle and backstroke events, and the medley and freestyle relays. It’s exciting, and for her, a little overwhelming at times, to be in such a fast-paced, busy environment.

About six hundred words after these, Emma raced in the 10 and under 200 freestyle relay. And what do you know?! In her first experience at Counties, little old Emma McAteer wins a medal, as her relay came in sixth in the County. Oh happy day! So happy, that the 600 words written between then and now will have to wait, as I just have to put a picture of Emma and two of her relay teammates up on the blog.

So, tomorrow, you’ll get to read my whole country clubs are like high schools thing and my little high horse spiel about why the popular plagiarism discussion is misguided. We’ll stay happy for Emma for now. Later.
Thoughts de Final re: Henderson the Rain King
I had created a file of transcribed passages, to what end I’m not sure, but as I got to the end I was either too lazy or too itching to get onto Gary Shteyngart’s Super Sad Love Story to separate a final blog entry from reflection on those quotes. So I’ve put the two together. Where I just liked the quote, or where it contained some important plot moment that turned out to be less important to the story as a whole, you’ll just see the quote. Maybe you can make something of the words out of context, Lebron.

I think the problem for me in terms of some sort of unified response is that the book on first reading seems to contain as much chaff as there is wheat. There were parts where I felt like I was in a maze, and I’d start to follow a certain path of allusion or symbolism or thought, and I’d hit a dead end. I’d be left wondering how the biblical references related to the “necessary question” of the novel. I’d wonder why Bellow gave Henderson twins if Henderson never used their names. These are not the questions an author would want a reader to be asking.

By the time I finished the book, I felt I had a clear idea of that obscure, perhaps indefinable thing Henderson was searching for, his journey to self-understanding, to Being rather than Becoming. I also feel like I get that his character type exists. I feel like I know one or two people, maybe more, older than myself, who might find themselves reflected in Henderson. This gives the novel a certain ring of truth.

After finishing, I read a little bit on the internet about the novel, and boy did The New York Times reviewer back in the day take Saul Bellow out to the woodshed. I found it interesting that Bellow had written an essay in the Times the week before the book’s release about the way the search for symbols takes the fun out of reading. I wonder if that had anything to do with an absence of faith in the sturdiness of the novel’s symbolism.

Anyway, here are the quotes I transcribed, arranged chronologically, and where there’s reflection, there’s reflection. The good news, whether this interests you or not, Lebron, is that Amazon is sending me my Shteyngart tomorrow, as well as David Mitchell’s Cloud Atlas, which hasn’t been in the library for weeks.

“Here is a sample of such thinking, which happens to be precisely what I had on my mind as I stood in that parched courtyard under the mild shade of the thatch; Lily, my after-all dear wife, and she is the irreplaceable woman, wanted us to end each other’s solitude. Now she was no longer alone, but I still was, and how did that figure? Next step: help may com either from other human beings or – from a different quarter. And between human beings there are only two alternatives, either brotherhood or crime. And what makes the good such liars? Why, they lie like fish. Evidently they believe there have to be crimes, and lying is the most useful crime, as it least it is on behalf of good. Well, when push comes to shove, I am for the good, all right, but I am very suspicious of them. So, in short, what’s the best way to live? (80-81)
Context: Henderson has arrived among the Arnewi and is trying to find something to talk about with Willatale, the Queen of Bittahness. What intrigues me, I guess, is the way Henderson’s thought all of a sudden seems influenced by Ivan Karamazov and Septimus Warren Smith. I know there are critical essays about existentialism in the novel, and I’m not sure if this is it, but this was one of those paths I followed down to a dead end.

“’I have never been at home in life. All my decay has taken place upon a child.’ I clasped my hands, and staring at the ground I started to reflect with this inspiration. And when it comes to reflection I am like the third man in a relay race. I can hardly wait to get the baton, but when I do get it I rarely take off in the necessary direction. So what I thought was something like this: The world may be strange to a child, but he does not fear it the way a man fears. He marvels at it. But the grown man mainly dreads it. And why? Because of death. So he arranges to have
himself abducted like a child. So what happens will not be his fault. And who is this kidnaper – this gypsy? It is the strangeness of life – a thing that makes death more remote, as in childhood…” (84)
A few elements of this quote confused me. I don’t know how to make sense of the sentence, “All my decay has taken place upon a child,” but I absolutely understand the sentence, “I have never been at home in life,” which is tied directly to the Becoming/Being theme that goes throughout the book. I also don’t get the “third man in a relay race” reference. I understand that a character is allowed to say things that make sense only to him, but this line is nonsensical and gets in the way of the lucid point of the passage, which addresses the change, or if you want to say, corruption, in the way we perceive the same things as we get older. (By the way, how can Wikipedia say this book can be considered a Bildungsroman – which is, incidentally, a word I hate, despise, loathe for its look-what-a-pompous-literature-student-i-am quality – when its protagonist is in his mid-fifties?)

Once more, allusion and Henderson’s Bible knowledge merge:

“The colored umbrella wheeled over him and he went back to his box on the king’s left and sat down with the examiner who had kept me waiting last night, the character whom Dahfu had called the Bunam, and the wrinkled old black-leather fellow who had sent us into the ambush. The one who had arisen out of the white rocks like the man met by Joseph. Who sent Joseph over to Dothan. Then the brothers saw Joseph and said, “Behold, the dreamer cometh.” Everybody should study the Bible. Believe me, I felt like a dreamer, and that’s no lie.” (170)
Henderson had alluded to the story of Joseph earlier, which may have something to do with his role as befriender of kings who luxuriate in Egyptian fashion, like Dahfu. But who are the brothers who tricked and sold out Henderson? Who is the ruler who benefits from Henderson’s guidance? Who does Henderson forgive to stop the cycle of blows referred to in a later quoted passage?

Just before Henderson takes on the task of moving Mummah and becoming the Rain King, Bellow merges specific language from Hamlet with one of the play’s most significant themes:

“I’m a pretty good judge of men and you are a fine one. And from you I can take it. Besides, truth is truth. Confidentially, I have envied flies, too. All the more reason to crash out of prison. Right? If I had the mental constitution to live inside the nutshell and think myself the king of infinite space, that would be just fine. But that’s not how I am. King, I am a Becomer. Now you see your situation is different. You are a Be-er. I’ve just got to stop Becoming. Jesus Christ, when am I going to Be? I have waited a hell of a long time. I suppose I should be more patient, but for God’s sake, Your Highness, you’ve got to understand what it’s like with me. “ (191)
Okay, so I get the being/seeming theme, but what else does the story of Hamlet have to inform the story of Henderson? Is it just a language that found Bellow as he was writing, or is a reader supposed to be thinking about ways the two characters might be related? If you can enlighten me as to the connection between Hamlet’s character and Henderson’s, Lebron, I’d appreciate, because the connection is certainly eluding me.

Here is some truth revealed through Dahfu in the Chapter 15 conversation. It follows Henderson once again saying that in blows he finds truth (as if the sensation of suffering is the only means to meaning.

“But I feel there is a law of human nature in which force is concerned.  Man is a creature who cannot stand still under blows. Now take the horse – he never needs a revenge. Nor the ox. But man is a creature of revenges. If he is punished he will contrive to get rid of the
punishment. When he cannot get rid of punishment, his heart is apt to rot from it. This may be – don’t you think so, Mr. Henderson-Sungo? Brother raises a hand against brother and son against father (how terrible!) and the father also against son. And moreover it is a continuity-matter, for if the father did not strike the son, they would not be alike. It is done to perpetuate similarity. Oh, Henderson, man cannot keep still under the blows. If he must, for the time, he will cast down his eyes and think in silence of the ways to clear himself of them. Those prime-eval blows everybody still feels. The first was supposed to be struck by Cain, but how could that be? In the beginning of time there was a hand raised which struck. So the people are flinching yet. All wish to rid themselves and free themselves and cast the blow upon the others. And this I conceive of as the earthly dominion. But as far as truth as the content of the force,
that is a separate matter…

…“Let me see if I have got you straight. You say the soul will die if it can’t make somebody else suffer what it suffers?”

“For a while, I am sorry to say, it then feels peace and joy. 
Skip a few paragraphs of dialogue, and then Dahfu is speaking again:

…A brave man will try to make the evil stop with him. He shall keep the blow. No man throws himself in the sea of blows saying he do not believe it is infinite. In this way many courageous people have died. But an even larger number who had more of impatience than bravery. Who have said, ‘Enough of the burden of wrath. I I cannot bear my neck should be unfree. I cannot eat more of this mess of fear-pottage.” (211-212)
This is a passage I obviously spent a lot of time transcribing, because it certainly contains truth on its face. Therefore, I shall let it speak for itself.

Shortly thereafter, before Dahfu teaches Henderson to be a lion, this exchange, starting with a question from Henderson:

“So tell me, what do I illustrate most?”
“Why,” he said, “everything about you, Henderson-Sungo, cries out, ‘Salvation, salvation!  What shall I do? What must I do? At once! What will become of me?’ And so on. That is bad.” (217)
Once Henderson is introduce to Atti, the lion, Bellow gives another biblical reference related to dreams and wisdom. For context, Dahfu’s instruction to Henderson precedes the allusion:

“Roar, roar, roar, Henderson-Sungo. Do not be afraid. Let go of yourself. Snarl greatly. Feel the lion. Lower on the forepaws. Up with hindquarters. Threaten me. Open those magnificent eyes. Oh, give more sound. Better, better, “ he said, “though still too much pathos. Give more sound. Now, with your hand – your paw – attack! Cuff! Fall back! Once more – strike, strike,
strike, strike! Feel it. Be the beast! You will recover humanity later, but for the moment, be it utterly.”
And so I was the beast. I gave myself to it, and all my sorrow came out in the roaring. My lungs supplied the air but the note came from my soul. The roaring scalded my throat and hurt the corners of my mouth and presently I filled the den like a bass organ pipe. This was where my heart had sent me, with its clamor. This is where I ended up. Oh, Nebuchadnezzar! How well I understand that prophecy of Daniel. For I had claws, and hair, and some teeth, and I was bursting with hot noise, but when all this had come forth, there was still a remainder. That last thing of all was my human longing. (267)
I’ve skipped over some other passages I had dog-eared as being not weighty enough, or as being plot-driven, or as possibly providing insight into Henderson’s character, but there isn’t enough pattern or payoff to show passages, which is either my fault or Bellow’s fault for making allusions higgledy-piggledy without enough meaningful follow-through. So while there is a pattern to the Joseph and Daniel allusions, the prophet in captivity advising a king using his God-given insight, the parallel doesn’t really fit. At no point is Henderson in that giving position in the story. The last allusion, however, at the end of the story, when Henderson is having a memory of himself riding the rollercoaster with that old bear in that circus in Canada, fits, especially given Henderson’s sense of himself as the inferior brother, the one who was, in his father’s eyes, expendable:

This poor broken ruined creature and I, alone, took the high rides twice a day. And while we climbed and dipped and swooped and swerved and rose again higher than the Ferris wheels and fell, we held on to each other. By a common bond of despair we embraced, cheek to cheek, as all support seemed to leave us and we started down the perpendicular drop. I was pressed into his long-suffering, age-worn, tragic, and discolored coat as he grunted and cried to me. At times the animal would wet himself. But he was apparently aware I was his friend and he did not claw me. I took a pistol with blanks in case of an assault; it never was needed. I said to Hanson, as I recall, “We’re two of a kind. Smolak (the bear’s name) was cast off and I am an Ishmael, too.” As I lay in the stable, I would think about Dick’s (Henderson’s older brother) death and about my father. (338)
I’ve frequently said to classes that metaphor is a way of knowing, not a way of explaining. No comparison in the book, whether it’s one of the many symbols (the patterns of which are difficult to discern sometimes) or allusions or pieces of character backstory, tells me more about Henderson than this one. He has been cast off and is searching, for what he doesn’t know. But it comes back in a lot of ways (the violin-playing, the intensity of any of his endeavors) to making a connection to the father who has, in his mind, cast him off. The only problem is that the rejection he feels from his father is not entirely convincing. Henderson pours himself into demolishing cars on the day of his brother’s funeral, then his father curses him at night, and all of a sudden Henderson has to strike out for Niagara Falls. That there was distance between father and son is pretty clear, but that there was a rejection? Not so much.

And that’s it, Lebron. The book is closed, and we move on. Until next time, adieu.